Just Be There.

The pain



Understand. And love.

We’re here. And we care.


“I was talking to my friend the other day, about death. We were talking about how both of us had never seen someone close to us go away, and how much it would affect us. We spoke about how even though some people might not be very close to us, their presence did actually affect us.

Their loss was going to be something we wouldn’t be able to handle and how even though everything was going to be so difficult, death was inevitable at the end of the day. During this conversation, my friend shared this incident with me, which really kept me thinking. Here’s what she said.

Oh, one of my friends almost killed herself once. That’s something.

My friend was bright and cheerful the night before she showed me the scars across her wrists. First it was like ‘Ah, maybe she’s going through an emo phase’ but then she showed them to me again and I saw how deep they were. She wasn’t trying to let go of her pain, she wanted to end it. I spent most of the day away from her, simply because I didn’t know what to do. How can you say ‘It’s going to be okay’ to someone whose pain you can’t comprehend.

She had everything. Loving parents, brother, the best of clothes, best of phones, school President within a week of her joining. But yeah, she was hurting. Slowly, people started to move away from her, called her dramatic but I couldn’t wrap my head around that either. It was so clear that she needed someone. So I guess my way of fighting the idea of one of my best friends trying to leave this world was simply staying with her.

No, I wasn’t the one who’d be there and talk her out of her actions. I wasn’t the one who’d even give her advice. None of us could possibly offer that. But yeah, she found comfort in the fact that there was someone there beside her, even if she wasn’t doing anything. It’s pretty hard to imagine the things people go through. But yeah, you can’t just let them succumb to it.

After she told me about this, I asked her if that girl was fine. She said she’d cut off from everyone and in her own space she was probably fine. I wanted to know what exactly the girl was going through. What had happened to her? My friend replied that she just kind of gave up depending on people and started focusing solely on herself and what she had to do to have a good life. She would study all night and only talk to people once boards were done. But now, she’s in a great college which is just one of the many that she got into.

I thought a lot about it after we had the conversation.

I was glad to know that my friend thought that way. I was proud of how she understood that girl, even though it must have been difficult to do so. We spoke more on this issue again. And my friend told me how she might not be a good consoler but when someone’s down she does feel for them and at times it’s good to give people space. And I think that’s actually true. At times, it’s okay to not give a shoulder to cry upon. But the fact that you’re there matters the most. Your presence matters.”




Author: Aitijya Sarkar

You know that bright little star next to the moon? The one you've never really noticed for some reason. That's me.

One thought on “Just Be There.”

  1. I have always been labelled as the ‘agony aunt’. So I have lot of friends opening up to me their sorrows/agony.

    But there are times when I really do not know what to say or do. The last thing I want to do is say something and worsen their pain . So I try and remain quiet. At such times all I do is just give them a hug or hold their hands. Just to let them know I care for them and I think they appreciate that.


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