Sleep. Peace.

Dreams Reality
So a friend of mine recently told me that for a person who does not know me, for them it will be difficult to trust me. They probably want to share something, but they’re hesitant because they do not know who they are sharing it with. This got me thinking.

So, The Wall is all about pain and memories and sharing. It’s the idea that no matter who you are, what you think, what you feel, whatever you’re going through and whatever you’ve gone through, you are not alone. There is someone else out there who has gone through the same or is going through the same. It’s about letting that person know that they are not alone.

So here I am. Over the next couple of weeks, I will tell you about me. So that you can connect and know the kind of person I am. I am not much of a sharer but I will try, because there is nothing I’ve believed in more than I believe in the idea behind The Wall. No one deserves to be alone.

As always,

Read.

Listen.

Understand. And Love.

We’re here. And we care.

*****

“Sleep has become a bit of a problem lately. It’s difficult to explain, but I will try my best. The condition that has been plaguing me for quite some time now is something known as panic induced night terrors. It’s basically nightmares accompanied by a panic attack.

What happens is that I do not understand the difference between a dream and reality. The dreams are so complex and real it feels like the things that are happening in my dream are all real. For example, if I am drowning in my dream I think I am drowning for real, and then I start gasping for breath. So someone at that moment has to wake me up, because I do not realize it is actually a dream. If I am still sleeping, I feel like I am about to die, because in reality I actually am, since I’ve been out of breath for almost about a minute.

Funny as it sounds, that pretty much sums it up.

It’s been happening for a year now. Initially it started off with one or maybe even two in a week. Then their intensity increased to three or four each week and they became more complex with time.

Then came a time, when it became very very regular. That is when my mind started fearing sleep. I’ve heard a lot of people say that they suffer from insomnia. But, that moment, when I was just too scared to go to sleep, that is when I realized the gravity of it all. At one point, I did not sleep for 5 days straight. I am not even kidding here. Not one hour of sleep.

It was funny how I told my family about it. Because think about it, sleep? Really?

I’ve been to five doctors since. I’ve been prescribed 12 different pills, and bought more than 200 of them. That made it worse. These pills, they just f*** your mind up. I started having auditory hallucinations, visual hallucinations and so much more. I started abusing my medication to escape all of it. They mellowed me down and gave a happy high. My brain was stressed. My body was stressed and I was just plain tired. I thought I was losing my mind and I wanted to check myself into a psychiatric facility.

What was my response?

I turned to alcohol as always. I don’t want to talk about alcohol too much today because alcohol has always had a love-hate relationship with me. So SHE deserves a separate post altogether.

I am not better. These things still happen. Maybe not every day or as often but they do. I stopped any form of medication, because I don’t believe in them. It has always been difficult to explain all of this but I hope whoever reads this understands or tries to. My dreams are so complex you will not understand how weird and real they are.

So that’s about it. Why I wrote this today?

Because yesterday was a bad night.

Thank you.”

*****

– Aitijya Sarkar

PS- For any post contributions, email us at- thewallandus@gmail.com

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Author: Aitijya Sarkar

You know that bright little star next to the moon? The one you've never really noticed for some reason. That's me.

21 thoughts on “Sleep. Peace.”

  1. Hi!! Aitijya i know that sometimes things are complicated more than math? Right but what is thought about your problem is that, always think that sleeping is not something that we need to do but its a thing that we must do because for me sleeping can actually made me forget the reality but of course we have different ways to cope up with our problems but always remember that we are here for you.

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  2. This…. Is so heartfelt. And thank you for sharing this! I used to go through something like this and it was really hard for me to put myself out there and get help… It’s so hard to explain this to people without getting judged the f*** out of and people thinking I’m a psycho…. But this was really really reassuring. Thank you.

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    1. Thank you. Since it began I’ve been looking for people who’ve gone through the same so that I could know that I am not the only one.
      To be honest it was one of the primary reasons this blog was started.
      It feels nice to know that there is someone like me. Hope you’re okay now. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I am feeling quite connected to your writings, your entries..
    About Dreams, i am part of this elite team known as The Strix,
    It is made of six amazing bloggers from various continents and we post as a unit twice a month infering to one subject..
    So on sixth July, we are posting about Dream.. i think you will like the version of dream there.

    What my take can be so far considering your entry is dreams are the core source power of our fighting capabilities in life.
    Many of us today fear chasing our dreams because it may have us end up failing in life as well..
    I think if we believe in ourselves and in each other, we may achieve our dreams..
    I believe in you bud..know that.
    Just from the little i have seen ☺ – Cezane

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    1. Hello again. 🙂
      These aren’t really all my writings. The wall is the idea that no matter what you’re going through, what you’ve gone through, whatever memories you have, pain, whatever you fell or have felt, there is someone else in the world out there who has gone through the same or is going through the same. It’s to let them know that they’re not alone. 🙂
      Recently I just thought I should let people know the kind of person I am so that they could connect with me and know me better. Otherwise if I ask them to share a part of them with me I should give a part of me too, isn’t it? 🙂
      And I am glad you could connect. My nightmares were on of the primary reasons this blog was started.
      And of course. I would love to. Could you give me the link? 🙂
      And you believing in me and The Wall is more than I could have asked for. Thank you. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Hey Aitijya, it is true about the trust factor you started with. But then there are times when the stranger becomes that person we can open out to without inhibitions, who cares after all, we may or may not meet again, with the may not meet part, having a higher valency there. But I think it is with people, some people feel are empaths by nature they attract others to them to open out. About the sleep bit, crazy it will be with such an on between state. But no sleep is not an option at all. A doctor once told me, sleep whenever the sun is not around because the body automatically goes into a mode to perform certain functions tondetox/recuperate only then. There is no use sleeping at 4 am and sleeping till 10 because the moment the sun rises the body may also rise! That said, there was a time I was going through something, I used to get into activities so much so that my body would be sobtired by the time I hit the room. So in used to go swim in the morning, swim at night, jog in between ..play something else and work the rest of the others, talk to people and by the time I saw bed, I used to go sleep. Not that I had a problem sleeping, but I didn’t want to give my mind a thought about staying awake! A week of this and in was back in order, body, mind soul all .. xx Ash

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    1. Hello Ash. Thank you for this wonderful comment.
      Let me start out by saying that you’re right. Over time people tend to open up more. But I’ve seen that sharing is two ways. You cannot ask someone to share without giving something back. This is me giving something back. SO that people can know who they are giving a part of themselves to. Do you understand?
      And honestly I have tried everything. Trust me. One doctor incidentally told me to go to the gym, work out but to no avail. It didn’t work. But I am touched by your effort to reach out to me and leave such a wonderful comment. Thank you.
      If you wish, please contribute a piece yourself. Thank you and have a great day. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I understand. But I’ve felt most people want a listening ear. Not that the wall is not. The walls of my room will be bored with my stories! But a live listening ear. Sad that about your sleep! Would love too, on don’t know what to though. See, I would very well write on confusing choices 😎😇 there is a warmth in here, the posts and the replies, keep that going always. xx Ash

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  5. Some dreams are too realistic for my liking. If I wake up from a dream I don’t like or a nightmare, I get up and walk around so the dream will end. You’re not alone in your feelings about dreams. BTW, thanks for the follow.

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    1. No problem.
      I have honestly tried everything there is to try. I have kind of accepted the idea now. It’s going to happen. But then over time, it has gotten better. I can cope with it better.
      I still have really bad nights sometimes, but then again a lot of people do too.
      Thank you. Take care and have a great day.

      Liked by 1 person

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