Death, loss and longing.

An amazing person.

Sensitive, caring and a brilliant heart. An even better singer. He is working with us now. Read and understand him and his story. And know us better.

As always,

Read.

Listen.

Understand. And Love.

We’re here. And we care.

*****

“The reason I had a normal childhood was because of my mother and my grandparents.

My father on the other hand has always been more of an inspirational figure. The values that he has taught me, has helped me improve as a person. I had to spend my childhood away from my parents due to certain unavoidable and personal reasons.

My birth was the reason my mother wasn’t able to complete her education. She has sacrificed a lot for me. And I am very lucky to have her in my life.

Staying away from them was actually a blessing in disguise. It developed me as a person, who knew how to adapt, no matter how difficult and desperate the circumstances were.

I was raised up and taken care of by my grandparents. My grandmother has always been like a mother to me. She has always been my support system. I miss my childhood. Circumstances were much better and simple then. Things didn’t affect me as much as it is affecting me right now. Growing up is indeed a part of life, but losing yourself in the process is what chokes me up.

*****

You never know, what’s waiting for you the very next moment.

Uncertainties suffocate me.

Growing up is an art and not everyone can master it, mould it and learn from it. The ones who don’t get used to it are left with too many unanswered questions about life.

Attributing meaning to our lives, is an endless journey. I consider myself as a below average guy who believes in spreading happiness. Happiness is subjective. Even a minute gesture could mean the world to someone.

I aspire towards my dream but somewhere I get stuck in confusion. It’s just that the phase of growing up has been tough and it gets tougher with each passing day. I have lost a lot of people who meant the world to me. It’s been rough.

*****

Nothing is permanent.

Some day or the other, everything will cease to exist and come to a standstill. I can never forget the day I lost my grandfather. It was the day before my University final exams. He had always been a pillar of strength for me.

Nurturing my love for music and always protecting me. He was always there. I wish he was still alive today. I could do nothing for him when he was alive. I feel his absence almost every day. I loved him, and I still do.

A friend of mine killed herself a month before my class 12 board exams. I look back now, and remember how in a short span of time she had become like family. I could share my soul with her and she would just listen. No judgement. I still remember her dead body lying on the floor’s carpet. I remember her mother resting her head on my shoulder. It gives me goose bumps and heartaches even today. I couldn’t save her.

*****

Is this what you get in return when you love people so much?

Is this a part of growing up?

We lose people we love the most.

Recently, I got to know that my father suffers from Bipolar Disorder. My mother kept me away from him to give me a better life. Though my father is doing better now, he is on lithium tablets. They are known to cut down one’s life expectancy.

Even my mother has health issues. What if, one wretched day, I lose them? Where would I go? Where would my journey end?

These gut-wrenching questions and the silent crying in the middle of the night, suffocate my mind.

All I want is to see myself and the people who care about me happy. It includes my parents, my grandparents and the handful of those to whom my existence matters.

As my beloved friend says, nobody deserves to be alone.”

*****

-Rishabh Prasad

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