I am so proud of you Maa.

eveningskies

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Listen.

Understand. And Love.

We’re here. And we care.

*****

“It’s a curious thing, the death of a loved one. The unfathomable truth that one has to deal with every moment of their life.

We all have to end up under a white sheet some day. Then again, why is it so difficult to accept mortality?

Do we fear death? Or do we fear the vacuum that gets created by death?

I lost my mother about 6 months back. As a child it was probably the most difficult thing I have had to face until now and undoubtedly the most difficult truth I’ll have to deal with for the rest of my life.

Every day, each moment I miss her. I miss being around her. I miss our mindless conversations and her smug appreciation. I MISS her existence. Why can’t life have a rewind button? Why can’t life be the way we want it to be? Why does life have to be brutal, unfair and mean?

Why can’t parents be immortal?

In a world where every second person is a conniving ass, a hypocrite and a liar, why can’t parents be immortalized?
I ask myself, “Why did this happen to me?”

I haven’t intentionally hurt anyone ever. I’ve never lied in a manner that could cause someone else pain. Then why did it have to be me?

There were days I couldn’t find an answer until one day I asked my cousin. She had lost her father when she was just 11. She told me, “That’s life for you. Raw and Harsh. There are some questions you will never find an answer to. And you should stop looking for them since they do not exist. They will just bring you pain and nothing else.”

I know I don’t have her with me. But I feel her strength within me. I feel HER within me. After all I am a part of her, a part she nurtured with her love and care.

My father always tells me a very valid point.
“Learn to count your blessings because there are so many people who don’t even have half of what you do. Don’t think life is unfair to just you, remember that life happened to you as well. Just like it happens to everyone else. In some form, or the other.”

While I ponder over these words, I realize the truth underlying them.

I was lucky to have her for 23 years of my life. I was lucky to have her shaping my formative years. I was lucky to have known an amazing person like her. And, I AM lucky to have been borne by a woman like her.

My mother was a very strong lady. I am a part of her. So can I be any less strong? I guess not! That’s what I tell myself these days.

Maa is with me. And she will remain with me as long as I am alive. Maybe not physically, but spiritually.

I feel her. For we are one.

One soul.

One heart.

Maa, I miss you. Be happy wherever you are. I don’t know if you were proud of me but I will always be proud of you.

Be mine.

Now.

Forever.”

*****

-Sohini Dasgupta

For any post contributions email us at thewallandus@gmail.com.

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Author: Aitijya Sarkar

You know that bright little star next to the moon? The one you've never really noticed for some reason. That's me.

28 thoughts on “I am so proud of you Maa.”

  1. I know I cannot begin to understand your pain. Trust me, losing my family, has been and always will be one of my biggest fears in life. Almost every night before I go to sleep, the thought crosses my mind and I fear sleeping that night worrying what if something actually happened while I slept. My cousins lost their mother when they were around 7 and 10 years old, and having witnessed their pain so closely I know nothing in your life must be the same.
    I hope you’re doing well, Sohini. Take care:)

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    1. Thankyou for leaving such a warm reply Ambi. Meant a lot. 🙂
      Don’t be afraid darling, for fear eats you up. Instead make every moment count. Life is unpredictable and you need to accept the reality. We all have to die one day, so what’s the point fearing the inevitable?
      Make your parents happy, make each moment special for them, so that when you breathe your last, your conscience is satisfied.
      Nothing in this world is our own, except the memories we create. So create ample memories, for they will serve as your fodder in this journey called LIFE.

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  2. In a very beautiful way, you have made me realise that we should appreciate what we have. Every moment, that we have with our loved ones should be treasured. Thanks for writing such a heart-warming post.

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    1. Please do not thank me. Infact I am thankful that I could share my life with such beautiful people out here. 🙂
      And yes, appreciation is a great virtue. In this materialistic world and amidst so much of hustle and bustle we forget to value and thank God for what we already have. Instead we crib and whine.
      Having faced a real ‘loss’ I’ll just tell you one thing, feel thankful every moment for having being blessed by God in some way or the other. Ther are people who are even more unfortunate than you.
      Take care Harshita and wish you all the happiness. God bless. 🙂

      Like

  3. I also lost my mother at 23 yrs old. I felt it was unfair that she was taken away from me. I still feel that way but she is always with me. It was a life changing event in 1968 that I will never forget.

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    1. Hello again Eugenia. Hope you are doing well and good.
      I know this is late but I am so so sorry that you had to go through it at such a young age. Like Sohini, you must have gone through a lot. I hope you are doing good and that painful memory has healed.
      I am so very glad that you connect though. That is the entire point of the wall. Do you wish to personally talk to her though? Please let me know. I could give you her mail and you could help her out.
      I can never begin to understand what you must have gone through then.
      Take care and have a great day, Eugenia. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. A big hug to you Eugenia.
        I can totally understand your pain, for i go through it each day, each moment.
        Would love to get in touch with you.
        Take care and stay blessed. 🙂

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  4. Hi Sohini !!! It was grateful for coming across such a post.And I liked it ,when you took a change from sadness of your life to satisfied up to 23 years.And Iam sorry for your loss.Take care.Keep Writing😃

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    1. Thankyou for reading. 🙂
      It feels overwhelming to find people who can relate to you and understand your pain. Thankyou for your time and the comment. God bless you dear. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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