Understand. And love.
We’re here. And we care.
I fell off the wagon again. I thought I was smarter now. More matured. Turns out when it comes to alcohol, I still am a sucker for my instincts. Last two weeks, I’ve drinking like my old self again. I genuinely thought I was better now, but not really.
I’ve ignored this blog lately too. I apologize from the bottom of my heart for that too.
I feel like I don’t know myself anymore. I’ve always believed that I am a good person. But right now, I don’t know anymore. I fucked up and I don’t know to fix things. Fuck things, I don’t know what to tell myself anymore. My entire foundation has been shaken and I am on this pile of shit I don’t know how to get back from. I am genuinely hurting.
Four consecutive days of drinking later, with hardly any food inside me at all, I had a major case of alcohol poisoning. 1200 bucks and two IV injections later I am much better now.
You see, it’s okay to fuck up. It’s okay to apologize. But when you’re like me, it’s not. I’ll carry what I did with me all my life. Because I know it’s not me.
It feels good to write again. Also, the blog completed 4 months yesterday. So congratulations to everyone involved.
I am going to do a sobriety month now because it needs to be done.
And I will try my best to fix things.
As always thank you for reading and listening.